karen's Unwonderful Adventure
by LORD VADER GA
Summary: My ALICE IN WONDERLAND parody, as i highly dont like the movie


Author: I have finally started a parody, I wonder if I can get good reviews  
  
Karen: That's not a surprise; you have been procrastinating about it for months.  
  
Author: Oh shut-up!  
  
Karen: Never!  
  
Author: Yes, I command you!  
  
Karen: (whips out machine gun, tosses it aside, and digs more in her pockets) Aha!  
  
She pulls out a massive mallet, begins chasing the Author with it. He runs for miles, and meets Elora. He asks for help. And instead, she begins chasing him also. He runs on and on, finally running out of breath, Karen and Elora begins pounding the Author with their mallets, and knocks him out.  
  
The Author begins dreaming up the Parody, and the stage clear, $3,231.89 worth of lighting effects blinds the audience as the actors and actresses scramble into their costumes. The curtains rise, and Greg, The Assire Cat tries to take Karen's wallet.  
  
Karen: Get away from me freak! I will beat you to a pulp!  
  
Greg: Don't hurt me! (Runs offstage)  
  
Author: Hmm, the audience is dead (A man stands up)  
  
Man: I'm not (Is promptly shot by the author using the machine gun Karen tossed aside)  
  
Karen- Plays as herself Rabbit- Elora Hole- Jonathan Door- Elizabeth Mad Hatter- Kim Mad Hare- Kim Clone Drunk Mouse- the author Assire Cat- Greg Cheshire Cat- Elora Tweedy-Dee and Tweedy Dum- Shawn King of Hearts- Trevor Queen of Hearts- Renee  
  
Act One: The Hole and The Doorknob  
  
Author: Just another day, Weed Killer spreading across the pedals of Flowers, Female Birds kicking out there Husbands. Karen, the hero of this parody is outside playing in the sunshine, but she meets an evil bunny that will change her day.not that it's that much different from a regular day in parodies. Written by the group who writes parodies starring these people, it's like (gets shot) Story begins..  
  
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Scene One  
  
Karen: (she sees the white bunny with red eyes and long black hair) Come here little bunny.  
  
Bunny: Not in this lifetime. (changes to an Evil voice) GIVE ME YOUR SOUL (Turns head like in exorcist)  
  
Karen: Ok!  
  
Rabbit: You're supposed to say Never, stupid! Read the script!  
  
Karen: Never!  
  
The Rabbit begins chasing Karen. The run around and around, and when Karen finally starts getting away from the evil Bunny, she trips and lands butt first into a hole the size of one on a golf course  
  
Rabbit: Now look what you did! Your butt is blocking my hole!  
  
Karen: That doesn't sound right! And now my ass is stuck in the hole because of you!  
  
Author: You're so sexy Rabbit! Karen, your not!  
  
Rabbit: Your disgusting! (Rabbit up the Author, and then another hole appears and the Rabbit jumps into it) End of Scene One  
  
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Act One, Scene Two  
  
Its been over an hour and Karen falls asleep. She awakes to a hacking Cough.  
  
Karen: Woah! I'm awake!  
  
Author: Not yet stupid!  
  
Karen: Oh (falls back asleep)  
  
Hole: (coughs, and finally Karen is spit out of it) Never, Ever, stick your ass on my face again woman!!  
  
Karen: Watch it Bozo!! And just who are you?  
  
Jonathan: I am Jonathan, That is my name, and your ass was in my mouth.  
  
Karen: I tripped when an evil Bunny chased me!!!  
  
Jonathan: Likely Story (farts)  
  
Karen: Eww.anyways, what is at the end of you?  
  
Jonathan: My ass.and past that is Wonderland  
  
Karen: I thought Wonderland was nothing more than a fairytale.  
  
Jonathan: It exists, just not as you imagine it  
  
Karen: I imagine it with freaky and horny creatures everywhere!  
  
Jonathan: Damn you! You got it right!  
  
Karen: let me see then  
  
Jonathan: You are not climbing inside of me to go to wonderland.  
  
Karen: Oh yes I am! (a crowbar appears out of nowhere, Karen sticks it into the Hole's mouth, and pries it wide open)  
  
Jonathan: Ow! While you're in there, can you look at a tooth that's been hurting like hell?  
  
Karen: (She steps one foot into the hole and begins falling for minutes, and lands at the bottom of a pink, Poke-a-dot room) Where am I? (Pokes a dot)  
  
A glass vase of Vodka to her left begins shaking, and a mouse comes out of it  
  
Drunk Mouse: Happy -hick- Birthday!  
  
Karen: Its not my birthday.  
  
Drunk Mouse: Good Night Everyone *bows* (runs off, Karen begins chasing it. The Mouse runs into a small hole in a very small door. Karen comes to a sudden halt and accidentally kicks the door)  
  
Door: Who are you? And why did you kick me?  
  
Karen: I was chasing a Drunk Mouse, and I saw him pass through you!  
  
Door: Well you cant go through me unless you are smaller! Or a contortionist.  
  
Karen: And just how am I supposed to manage that?  
  
Door: On that table you will find three bottles. One is poison, one makes you larger, and the final one makes you shrink.  
  
Karen: Hmm.(mixes all three together and drinks, She shrinks, but her butt expands. Suddenly a massive wave of water comes along, a wash up Karen, and her butt gets stuck in the bottle) Now look what happened! I just had a butt reduction, too!  
  
Door: (opens mouth widely and all the water, and Karen, go through the keyhole)  
  
End of Scene Two  
  
____________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________  
  
Act Two: Twidly-Dee and Twidly-Dum, and the Cheshire Cat  
  
Scene One  
  
Karen awakes in a pink meadow, with fish chasing cats into burrows, Horses going Moo, and She sees a man with a split personality. She gets up and begins walking, and the odd man stops her.  
  
Karen: What do you want?  
  
Twidly Dee-Twidly-Dum: We want you to play with us  
  
Karen: I don't have time for such nonsense, I need to get home  
  
Twidly Dee-Twidly Dum (from now on he will be called Shawn!): Ah, reminds us of the story of The Horny Carpenter and the Lady Walrus.  
  
Karen: Oh let me hear it!(Sits down like a little child in kindergarten during story time)  
  
Shawn: well it begins like this.(the screen becomes blurry, and replacing Shawn and Karen)  
  
Horny Carpenter: What shall we do today my love?  
  
Lady Walrus: Lets go hammer something *grins evilly*  
  
Horny Carpenter: Okay, let me prepare some food to eat and you get the butter  
  
Lady Walrus: Okay (disappears for a few minutes)  
  
Horny Carpenter: (prepares food, and the lady Walrus comes back into the room) All done!  
  
Lady Walrus: Really.Where'd the cat go?  
  
Horny Carpenter: (pulls out his hammer, and runs up to the Lady Walrus and begins trying to kill her with it)  
  
Lady Walrus: That hurts! What are you doing?  
  
Horny Carpenter: Trying to kill you (Hits her harder)  
  
Lady Walrus: Stop trying to kill me with your hammer!  
  
Horny Carpenter: Would you rather get killed another way?  
  
Lady Walrus: CHOKE ME INSTEAD!! (chokes him to death, and the story ends)  
  
Shawn: And that is the story of the Horny Carpenter and the Lady Walrus.(Looks around and finds that Karen left before he finished the story) Where did she go?  
  
Karen has left the area where Shawn told her the story and walks until she meets a cat with rotting teeth.  
  
Scene Two  
  
An ugly Cat is sitting on a purple tree branch. She decides to ask who he is.  
  
Karen: Who are you?  
  
Assire Cat: I am the Asssire Cat. What brings you to my area of Wonderland?  
  
Karen: I am looking for a Drunk Mouse, Get out of my way!  
  
Assire Cat: He want theta way (points left)  
  
Karen: Who did?  
  
Assire Cat: Whom are you talking about? (Begins playing with his tail, in THE NASTY WAY!)  
  
Karen: You just said.  
  
Assire Cat: Said what exactly?  
  
Karen: YOUR MAKING ME ANGRY  
  
Assire Cat: Really?  
  
Karen: THAT'S IT! THIS IS NOT A DISNEY MOVIE! DON'T CONFUSE ME WITH YOUR STUPIDINESS! (She pulls a flamethrower from nowhere) Here Kitty, Kitty. (She burns the Cheshire Cat with the flame-thrower, and the Assire Cat gives out a painful "REOW") DIE KITTY!  
  
Cheshire Cat: (hisses) GO AWAY!  
  
Karen: Freaky nasty thing! I don't think so!  
  
Cheshire Cat: Evil Woman! JUST TRY THAT AGAIN!  
  
Karen: BRING IT ON! (She grabs him by the tail, swings him around, knocks him into a tree, and then begins smacking him, head first, into a log)  
  
Assire Cat: (Jumps into a tree, and hisses at her)  
  
Karen: (Jumps in the tree and begins pulling the cat's tail) Kitty toy! (Throws the Cat into outerspace, and continues on her way to find the Drunk Mouse)  
  
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Authors note: Karen has killed the Assire cat, in its place, there will be the Cheshire Cat played by Elora, Goodday  
  
Karen: THERE YOU ARE, MOUSE!  
  
Author: Crap! (Runs)  
  
Karen: Get back here!  
  
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Act Three: Tea with the clones, and a meeting at the Drunk Mouse's house  
  
Scene One  
  
After the brief intermission with the Drunk Mouse getting chased, Alice, I mean Karen, is walking down a path lined with humping turtles, pooping cows, and a farting horse. She comes by a strange tea party with two of the same person are having a tea party.  
  
Kim: (Singing) Happy Un-birthday to you!  
  
Kim clone: To Me?  
  
Kim: Happy un-birthday to me!  
  
Kim clone: To you!  
  
Karen: (Interrupts) Have any of you seen a extremely Drunk Mouse?  
  
Kim Clone: You just interrupted our unbirthday party!  
  
Karen: I just asked a question!  
  
Kim: You must pay! (Grabs tea cups and starts chucking them at Karen)  
  
Karen: BRING IT! (She grabs a chair and starts blocking every cup the clones toss)  
  
Kim Clone: DIE!  
  
Karen: YOU FIRST!  
  
A peace of a teacup breaks a bottle of Tequila and the Drunk Mouse pops out, singing  
  
Drunk Mouse: ME WANT, ME WANT, ME WANT (hiccups) MORE! (Runs off)  
  
Karen: Get back here! (Karen throws a teapot and hits the Kim clone in the head, and runs out of the area of the tea party and continues on her way)  
  
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Scene Two  
  
Karen chases the mouse to a large, onion colored house that smells strongly of alcohol. She enters inside.  
  
Karen: Come here little mouse! (She walks up stairs, and finds a room filled with various types of alcohol, and one that says "Drink Me") Why not? (She drinks it, and her ass expands and gets stuck in the room, and breaks a massive barrel of Wine)  
  
Drunk Mouse: (Pops out) Aaaaah! Evil scary Champagne drinker! Help! (Runs out of the house, and stops a Assire Cat look alike in the street) A fat ugly thing has invaded my Wine Room!  
  
Elora: Lets go see (Enters the house and finds  
  
Karen: Have we met? I thought I killed you..  
  
Elora: I am the Cheshire Cat, not the Assire Cat...  
  
Karen: can you get me out of here?  
  
Elora: I don't think so.I need to eat  
  
Elora begins chasing the cat, and in the meantime, Karen's ass shrinks, and is left behind wishing she was home, end of scene two.  
  
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Scene Three  
  
The scene opens with Karen sitting on a log beneath a tree. Little does she know, the Drunk Mouse is on the branch above her drinking shots of whiskey.  
  
Karen: There is no use still being here, I mean, why am I here? (She hears the Drunk Mouse on the Branch above her)  
  
Drunk Mouse: (Sings) Twenty One Hundred Million Shiny Bottles Glasses Of Whiskey on the wall, Twenty Two Milliony Hundred Ugly things.(He drops his shot glass, and it falls on Karen's head, breaking, and the Drunk Mouse passes out)  
  
Karen: There you are.Wait, its dead!  
  
King of Hearts: (Appears out of nowhere) The Drunk Mouse is dead? How can this be?  
  
Karen: AHHH! ITS TREVOR! (Begins running for her life, and the Queen of Hearts appears and blocks her path) GET OUT OF MY WAY! TREVOR IS HERE!  
  
Renee: WHERE?  
  
Karen: OVER THERE (Points towards Trevor, who tries to do something totally wrong with the mouse, who comes alive just in time to escape, and joins Renee, and Karen, who are running for their lives) HURRY! (Smacks into a tree, and passes out, and reawakes on the meadow with her ass stuck in Jonathan's mouth [again!])  
  
Jonathan: GET YOUR ASS OUT OF MY MOUTH!  
  
Karen: What are you?  
  
Jonathan: Your worst nightmare.  
  
Karen: You mean your Trevor awaking next to me in bed?  
  
Jonathan: Damn you lady!  
  
Karen: Whats at the other end of you?  
  
Jonathan: My ass.and past that is.  
  
Karen: (Interrupts him, and pries his mouth open) Wow!  
  
What is it she sees? Watch for the Next Parody from ME!!!  
  
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Author: That was my first parody!  
  
Karen: That was totally lame  
  
Author: Shutup! (Doctors his broken arm, which is courtesy of the mallet)  
  
Karen: Oh, that's the end of this! (Pulls a black cloth out of her pocket and throws it over the Author, and leaves)  
  
THE END (of this parody anyway) 


End file.
